My List of Grievances (AKA Why Xyrem is the Worst)

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Ok, full disclosure. Xyrem has given me my life back and I feel amazing, and for that it’s the best. However, Xyrem has also given me a ton of side effects and it’s annoying to take and it tastes bad, and I’m about fed up with these inconveniences, so in this post I am going to list all the reasons why Xyrem is the worst.

10 Things I Hate About Xyrem

1. Xyrem made me lose 10 pounds that I couldn’t afford to lose and now I look like an actual stick.

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A selfie I took recently.

2. Xyrem took away my appetite worse than Adderall ever did. Everything tastes like sand and I never feel hungry — unless I’ve taken my first dose of Xyrem! Then I get the biggest munchies and binge-eat like crazy! What the heck, Xyrem?!

3. Xyrem has given me anxiety and panic attacks for no good reason. I’ve always been pretty chill, and maybe that’s just because I was too sleepy to care about anything, but let me tell you, my chill is gone now! (Lexapro is bringing my chill back though, shout out to SSRIs!)

4. Xyrem makes me puke in the mornings! This just started in the past couple weeks. I was on Xyrem for 6 months with nausea but no puking, and now… bam! Puke city! So that definitely throws a wrench into my already-difficult morning routine (waking up is still super hard for me, even on Xyrem).

5. Xyrem made my acne worse! Like, much worse! I went to the dermatologist and she gave me a cream and now my skin is great (if you ignore the acne scars), but that’s no thanks to Xyrem!

6. Xyrem tastes bad, it’s like drinking the ocean! I’m literally getting half my daily  recommended sodium intake from two doses of Xyrem. It is SALTY.

7. Xyrem is weird, and that’s annoying. It’s a liquid, but it’s measured in grams. There’s two doses and one dose is in the middle of the night. It’s also literally just GHB. That is all very weird. The fact that GHB is a narcolepsy wonder cure is even weirder!

8. I can’t eat for two hours before I take Xyrem, and those just happen to be the two hours I feel most like eating! Thanks a lot, Xyrem!

9. I hate the monthly calls from Jazz Pharma. They are not looking out for my best interest. I do appreciate them giving me Xyrem, though.

10. I hate the new syringes with the curved plunger. They’re ugly and hard to use and it makes me sad to look at them. Fellow Xyrem-takers, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Whew! That was cathartic. Despite this love-hate relationship I have with Xyrem, it works so well that I think I’ll be taking it till I’m eighty. The side effects have to go away eventually, right?